Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I'm back!! And so are the future apples!!

Oh my, what a few weeks I've just had. Have any of you ever read "Hind's Feet on High Places?" I'm thinking of offering that book as the "homework" for our women's Bible study gathering at Thompson Station Church this summer. Great book!! Maybe my all-time favorite.

Anyway, Much-Afraid (the little girl who dares to follow her Great Shepherd to the high places) gets caught in a valley of mist. For days she wanders around in that valley. You begin to wonder if she'll ever get to the edge of the mist! Well, that's where I've been these past few weeks.

It all started with my mission trip to East Asia. Great trip--lasting impact--there will be more to that as I get recommitted to this blog. But anyway--while I was there I received a critical email. Not critical in importance, but the kind of critical that makes you scrunch up your eyes, and utter, "ouch." I sensed God's assurance that He was far too kind to try to tell me something of significance through hurtful words, and quickly responded to my sender, and started praying that I'd let it be.

That's when the mist began to fall. The weather got a bit nasty in March--you know, those days when the sun refuses to shine, and even though the trees bloom--you just aren't sure spring has really sprung? (Today, by the way totally blasts that doubt away! It's a gloriously beautiful day and my APPLE TREE IS IN FULL BLOOM!!!)

And then, my computer crashed, my book was pressing me each week, Mikel turned 17, her dog got sick (I'm talking really sick)--and my inner thought life cried "insurrection!" as negative voices out-shouted my commitment to truth, and I sunk into the miry depths that David spoke of in his psalms. Before I knew it, all I could see was mist...endless mist.

This went on for days, weeks even. I started approaching everything I put my hand to with only one thought in mind, "what are they thinking? I started doing ministry for my criticizers! I started responding to the thoughts (or the perceived thoughts) of others and lost my way.

The only oasis I experienced was when I left home to go and speak to other women's groups--oh, what great weekends and dinners we've had this Spring! I thank God for the ministry you shared with me without even knowing you were doing so!

But the best part of this past month was that Tom and Jesus were in the mist with me. Everyday Tom tried to do battle with the voices in my head--it was not pretty. And, all along the way Jesus held my hand.

It was this weekend, while I was speaking to the women at Whitesburg Baptist in Huntsville, AL that I came out of the mist. God reminded me to hold on to His promises past the point of "I've gotta let go" and that soon I'd be walking on the water. He also reminded me that when I can't discern His voice, I just need to go back to the last thing I know I heard him say (this is Tom's advice--and good advice I think). And when I went back to the last thing I know my Father said to me it was this,

I love you.

I'm not sure yet what He wants me to "do" for Him--but right now, I'm just holding tight to that word.

This is a great time of year to reflect on the powerful truth that you and I--we are LOVED by God!

And that is enough.

1 comment:

Wife of the Pres. said...

Glad you all survived the WIND on the Gulf too! We were just up the road and we have a wind-blown look to our family photo on the beach too!

As for the mist, I've been praying for you. That one Sunday, I wasn't sure I wanted to be near the front as I saw you hurting and at first felt so helpless to do a thing about it. My first thought was it was one of your children because you are a Momma and have a Momma's heart. Really though I had no idea why you were hurting and didn't need to know why, because I knew that HE KNOWS and so I just took whatever it was to Him.

Thanks for sharing though b/c I know somebody needs to read it. I know it blessed me as I wade through the seemingly endless questions I seem to have lately. And then I realize and am reminded yet again by this post that HE KNOWS and that is ENOUGH.