It's the Saturday before Easter; 70 degrees and gorgeous outside today on my back porch. The trees seem to be celebrating the Resurrection with everything God put in them!! And me? I'm shaking my head at His goodness.
To tell you the truth, I've experienced miraculous recovery from surgery. It's been 11 days since I had major surgery at Vanderbilt Hospital, and today I walked 3.8 miles!! (It's a big loop that I used to enjoy jogging.) Don't tell any of my healthcare providers, and for sure don't let my mother know I did that!! But...I feel great.
In fact, as my body has made this miraculous recovery, my heart and mind are trying to play "catch-up." One of the first things I confessed a day after I was told I had cancer was how angry and disappointed I was with my body. I felt a bit betrayed. For I have been one to try to eat right and exercise all my adult life. When my children learned I had cancer they immediately blamed it on "all the healthy food you feed us!" I told Tom I didn't think I'd ever trust my body again. To think it was sick for years and I didn't even know it!
But now that this same body has kicked into warp speed on the road to recovery, I'm beginning to smile--and make peace with the "old girl." She's doing what I expect and treating me well.
Of course this has been much more than a physical journey for me. It's been quite the spiritual journey as well. And the spiritual part is the one that makes me say, "hmmm..."
I wanted the miracle of no chemotherapy, I really did and even prayed for it. But for God to grant it so graciously...who am I? Who am I that He should be so sweet to me???
Before March 1, it's all I knew. All I knew was the goodness and sweetness of God. I walked with others in unimaginable places, but as for my own personal experience with Him, GOD HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO GRACIOUS AND KIND! It's really all I have ever known. And even in this month-long journey through cancer---He's been more gentle, more REAL, more present than ever! And with Him granting me complete healing with surgery, it's all I still know. God is good--and why? Why does He do this for me?
If He hadn't been "good" would He still be God?
That question I now have an answer for...YES! Even if He had seen fit for this cancer to be in my liver and lungs He would have been just as good and just as God as He is in my health. I told my prayer partners on Wednesday, March 3 that if I died of colon cancer, I wanted them to be sure to testify to God's goodness to me. For I refused to let death rob God's glory.
For whatever reason He has chosen to hear our prayers and extend my time on earth. I am more grateful than what may be spiritual to admit; but I know that this healing is His "GREATER GOOD." So, it's with fear and trembling that I'm going to keep "working this out" in my heart and mind--and with faith I'm going to keep walking it out each precious day.
I'm not sure I've ever seen a spring so beautiful in all my life!
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