Cancer is over and Life returns

So, this is the first week I've been responsible for family meals again. I thank God for Chick Fil A!! I'm wondering if our family could just sign up for home cooked meals every spring. They could start coming when softball begins and end when the last tennis match is over. :) (Of course next year there will be NO MORE SOFTBALL!!...Don't EVEN get me started!)

I thought that my journey through cancer would drastically change me. But I'm slipping back into my pre-cancer mode all too quickly. I still want to eat sweets at night. I have been satisfying that sweet tooth with Lucky Charms lately. Maybe the almond milk is better than skim and the "lucky" will counter-balance the cancer loving SUGAR!!

I told Tom that I was going to adopt a ZERO TOLERANCE policy for stress. But two days back in the office at TSC and Good Grief!! What was I THINKING?!!

And, when I was pondering the possible spread of cancer in my body I came in to my home office and CLEANED HOUSE! I mean I tossed away entire stacks of "I've got to get on that" projects! It felt good. For the first time EVER I saw clearly what God meant for me to do. I was convinced that I would never again take on more than what was supposed to be mine--I would "stay in my lane" to quote a dear friend who endured the autobahn with me last fall.

It was a good idea...

God is still good. I'm still smiling at how He rocked me close last month at this time, but it's kind of like He's set me down now on my own two feet, patted me on the behind and said, "get back out there and do your thing."

I just want "my thing" to be His thing too.

This is My Story...This is My Song...

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord: "O Lord, save me!"

The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to me."

Psalm 116:1-7 NIV

I read these words in a card that Mel Fell gave me just before I went in for surgery and knew they expressed exactly the way I feel. I've struggled with "why me?" Why should God be so good to me? And when I read these words my heart came to rest. Immediately I sang,

"This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long!"

And I realized, that "this is MY STORY..." He gave me a SONG! So just as the psalmist sang many years ago, so I'll join my voice with his...

"I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, in the courts of the house of the Lord--in your midst, O Jerusalem. Praise the Lord."

Psalm 116:17-19 NIV

Still pondering these things...

It's the Saturday before Easter; 70 degrees and gorgeous outside today on my back porch. The trees seem to be celebrating the Resurrection with everything God put in them!! And me? I'm shaking my head at His goodness.

To tell you the truth, I've experienced miraculous recovery from surgery. It's been 11 days since I had major surgery at Vanderbilt Hospital, and today I walked 3.8 miles!! (It's a big loop that I used to enjoy jogging.) Don't tell any of my healthcare providers, and for sure don't let my mother know I did that!! But...I feel great.

In fact, as my body has made this miraculous recovery, my heart and mind are trying to play "catch-up." One of the first things I confessed a day after I was told I had cancer was how angry and disappointed I was with my body. I felt a bit betrayed. For I have been one to try to eat right and exercise all my adult life. When my children learned I had cancer they immediately blamed it on "all the healthy food you feed us!" I told Tom I didn't think I'd ever trust my body again. To think it was sick for years and I didn't even know it!

But now that this same body has kicked into warp speed on the road to recovery, I'm beginning to smile--and make peace with the "old girl." She's doing what I expect and treating me well.

Of course this has been much more than a physical journey for me. It's been quite the spiritual journey as well. And the spiritual part is the one that makes me say, "hmmm..."

I wanted the miracle of no chemotherapy, I really did and even prayed for it. But for God to grant it so graciously...who am I? Who am I that He should be so sweet to me???

Before March 1, it's all I knew. All I knew was the goodness and sweetness of God. I walked with others in unimaginable places, but as for my own personal experience with Him, GOD HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO GRACIOUS AND KIND! It's really all I have ever known. And even in this month-long journey through cancer---He's been more gentle, more REAL, more present than ever! And with Him granting me complete healing with surgery, it's all I still know. God is good--and why? Why does He do this for me?

If He hadn't been "good" would He still be God?

That question I now have an answer for...YES! Even if He had seen fit for this cancer to be in my liver and lungs He would have been just as good and just as God as He is in my health. I told my prayer partners on Wednesday, March 3 that if I died of colon cancer, I wanted them to be sure to testify to God's goodness to me. For I refused to let death rob God's glory.

For whatever reason He has chosen to hear our prayers and extend my time on earth. I am more grateful than what may be spiritual to admit; but I know that this healing is His "GREATER GOOD." So, it's with fear and trembling that I'm going to keep "working this out" in my heart and mind--and with faith I'm going to keep walking it out each precious day.

I'm not sure I've ever seen a spring so beautiful in all my life!