Thursday, March 10, 2011

...couldn't put Humpty together again

Just this week I had the privilege of speaking to the day and night Mom to Mom groups at the People's Church (a great sister church in our area). And I was reminded of a truth God revealed to me several years ago with Humpty Dumpty--you know, the egg that fell off the wall.

My sister and I were having one of those "sister chats" that only happen once in a blue moon (normally that moon shines during the holidays), and we happened upon Humpty Dumpty after his great fall. I told my sister that had I walked up to Humpty all splattered on the ground, and if I'd seen "all the king's horses and all the king's men" riding off in the distance, I would get down on my knees and start putting those pieces back together again. For even if no one else could do it--somehow I'd think that I could figure out a way--and I could fix Humpty good as new!

Last year Humpty fell off that wall. And ever since that day I've been up to my elbows in egg yolk and shell fragments. I've cried and prayed. I've maneuvered and schemed. I've shouted and even cursed. (Is that ok to admit on this blog--being a pastor's wife and all that?!)

And finally yesterday, through a text message I fell on my face in that rotten egg mess and realized, I couldn't put Humpty together again.

He fell. He shouldn't have been on that wall in the first place. I wasn't there to catch him! He hit the ground and he broke into a million pieces and I can't put him together again.

Not even when I pray.
Not when I fast.
Not when I read books about "getting over the fall," "forgiving him for cracking," or "putting the King's power into practice."
Not when I memorize Scripture.
Nor when I post it all over my walls.

Humpty is broken. And there is absolutely nothing I can do for him.

You'd think I would be devastated by this realization but just the opposite happened. On the same day that I realized this truth, the KING called to me from the distance. He reminded me (in a miraculous way that I will blog about in the future)of this, "I know what you are going through and I haven't forgotten you." Just a simple word to reassure me that He had His eye on Humpty all along. And even though His own men and horses--and I--can't put Humpty together again,

He can!

1 comment:

Wife of the Pres. said...

Ok by me to admit it. Makes me feel better. Is it OK to say that?

I just have to say that I am glad you are sharing here from the heart as you are led and able b/c it is powerful and you know whether you like it or not, us younger (not saying you are old mind you!) women look up to you and the other women at church who are older than us (I'm thinking of Anna and Kathleen and some others here).

And the part that sticks with me is that LIFE IS JUST HARD SOMETIMES and that all of us (even a pastor's wife) have a hard time living through it and keeping the faith and trusting our Father to carry us through and trusting that when things don't always go like we want … that He is still God and we are still His.

Thinking of you all and thanking God that you are allowing Him to be glorified through your lives … the good and the not so good. That is where I want to be but I'm not so sure I'm there.