Sunday, December 5, 2010

Boundaries and Barbed Wire

If you've been reading my blog for the past several months you know that I'm praying through the darkest valley of my life (thus far). In this valley I've learned that the battle I'm fighting really has two fronts. One is the obvious one with the circumstances that are breaking my heart and the other is with God.

That's spiritual warfare includes my own personal struggle in my relationship with God. I'm not struggling with loving Him. Nor do I struggle with serving Him. But I do struggle with His sovereignty in this situation.

Every step of the way I've defined the reasonable boundaries of the other battle front. For instance I tell God what lines the Enemy must not be allowed to cross. I started doing this in June. But soon after I defined the boundary line, the Enemy crossed it. I was devestated. Then, last month I defined the boundary with a deadline. The Enemy blasted over that boundary too.

Today I'm tempted to define two more boundary lines. My struggle with God has been unnecessarily magnified by these boundary lines. Once I define the boundaries I decide that I know better than God how much is too much and how long is too long. When I do that I totally disregard God's Word in Isaiah 55:9

"As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

The boundaries I construct become like barbed wire. They hem me in when I pray. I camp out just this side of them and spend much of my energy begging God to keep them strong. Thus far, those boundaries have been blatantly disregarded by the Enemy and when he plows through them he drags me behind him. Often I'm left on the other side of that barbed wire bleeding and wounded wondering where God was when I just got taken further than I ever wanted to go into the depths of this valley.

But today, I've decided to stop marking off the territory. I'm finally ready to say to God--wherever You want to go; and whatever You want to do, take me there and do that. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are Your ways higher than mine and Your thoughts higher than my thoughts.

You know what You're up to and I trust you."


bethdunn said...

So true, Leighann! I'm sure you're experiencing that wonderful peace that passeth all understanding (try saying that 2x fast)- that sweet peace that comes after totally surrendering your circumstances- savor that time with the Lord. When I remind myself (or when the Holy Spirit reminds me) that He knows ..... everything that I'm going through, I find myself resting in Him. HE is GOD- HE parted the Red Sea without my help, He can change any circumstance in His time without my help! My job and yours is to keep bringing my petitions before Him and leaving them at His feet. I just love that- I don't have to be in charge of my life and those I love because He is!!
You're in my prayers, Beth

Anonymous said...

That is so crazy that you were writing that. Ok, you call it boundaries, I call it boxes--same thing my friend!

Either way He is not bound by our boundaries or boxes.

You know these journeys we find ourselves on today are the ones that count. You know what I mean?

We can trust Him or not. It really is that simple. We can fight Him too on them, but that is so exhausting isn't it?

Praying still, Leslie

Chris said...

That hardest and best place to be, my friend! Love you.

Melissa Lee said...

As soon as you figure out why this happens let me know. I don't understand it. At all.